As a financial contributor to the Colbert Super PAC at the $50 level, I continue to be entitled to all sorts of special treats from Stephen, including this special message that I found in one of my very own e-mailboxes.
Dear Friends of Colbert Super PAC,
I know it’s been a while. I’m sorry I haven’t called, written, stopped by, or appeared naked astride a centaur in your dreams. On behalf of myself, Colbert Super PAC, and the centaur, I apologize.
But do not assume that Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow has been powerless. In fact, it’s quite the opposite: we’ve been unpowerless. For proof, please enjoy the first five seconds of this clip of Mitt Romney earlier today. Go ahead, I’ve already seen it, I’ll wait for you here in this email.
As you can see, as a contributor to Colbert Super PAC, your voice has clearly been heard, in the form of money. But as an American, you should also make your voice double-heard, in the form of a voice. So tomorrow, please find your nearest polling location and vote.
Remember: this is the most important election of our lifetime*, and will continue to be right up until the next most important election of our lifetime. So whoever you support, please vote. If you don’t, the federal authorities consider wearing an “I Voted” sticker as an act of counterfeiting.
Yours sincerelyish,
Stephen Colbert
President and Tallymaster
Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow
Super PAC contributors are also entitled to anonymity, but who the heck wants that? If I ever start writing detective stories I’m going to call my private eye Cole Yama.
