Author: DOuG pRATt

From Our Gang to Superman

http://youtu.be/1uVu1S7wEOk

Jackie Cooper is gone. After being the biggest child star in the 30’s before Shirley Temple, Cooper managed to have a solid, successful career. To relatively younger audiences, he’s best known for being Perry White in the Christopher Reeve run of Superman movies. I knew him first for his memorable appearances in Our Gang, with June Marlowe as Miss Crabtree.

Stupid is, as stupid does

Here’s a local story in today’s news:

WESTBOROUGH — Police seized a rifle and two handguns from a home on Fisher Street Monday night after they said the owner accidentally fired his AK-47 assault rifle and hit a window at Armstrong Elementary School.

He accidentally fired his AK-47, thinking it wasn’t loaded? How about he negligently fired his AK-47. I don’t own a gun, and I never want to own a gun, but I know that you always — always! — check for ammo when handling a firearm. Either he intentionally fired the assault rifle in his house, or he did it unintentionally, due to carelessness. Either way, this idiot shouldn’t be allowed to own guns.

Related: I assume there’s an Internet site that keeps track of “accidental” shootings like this one.

He’s really most sincerely dead

I think Obama is doing the right thing:

To: Doug Pratt
From: CNN Breaking News
Subject: CNN Breaking News
Date: Wed 1:36p May 4, 2011
Sent: Wed, 04 May 2011 13:36:03 -0400

The president has decided not to release death photos of Osama bin Laden, an administration official briefed by the White House tells CNN.

One CNN Center Atlanta, GA 30303 © & ® 2011 Cable News Network

Releasing the photos would serve no useful purpose. Domestically, the anti-Obama extremists won’t believe the photos are genuine anyway, just as they demanded to see his birth certificate then refused to accept its authenticity when he released it. Internationally, showing the corpse would only incite further anti-American sentiment. If bin Laden’s alive, I’m sure he’ll let us know.

No more mouth-to-mouth

At work today there’s a CPR training class. It filled before I could sign up, but that’s OK, because I already know all about CPR from watching movies. You clasp your hands together, slam them into the chest of the victim over and over, while yelling, “DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMMIT!” That usually works, and if it doesn’t you throw your head back and scream, “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Follow-up: Denro says…

SUCCESSFUL CPR: You keep saying “COME ON, COME ON, BREATHE, DAMN YOU!”, then the person coughs a few times, shakes their head and gets up. Then you say “You really scared me back there.” The person says, “Thanks, I owe you one. Now, let’s get those dirty devils!”