I am no relation to Larry Pratt, who began and heads the dangerous extremist group that he calls the Gun Owners of America, but I am sickened and ashamed that he shares my family’s name. Irrational fanatics like Pratt have done everything they can to put guns in the hands of as many people as possible, and now they claim the solution to the carnage they helped cause is to have even more guns in circulation.
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Montgomery Burns explains the fiscal cliff to the common folk.
This came in the mourning mail from Stephen Colbert…
Dear Super Loved Ones,
I write this letter with a heavy heart and elevated cholesterol. Earlier today, our advisor and chief strategist, Ham Rove, passed away. Authorities believe he repeatedly tripped and fell onto a knife several dozen times. Later some dogs ate him. It was all quite tragic.
When it comes to describing how important Ham Rove was to Colbert Super PAC, I find myself at a loss for unsubpoenaed words. Ham Rove did everything for this organization, particularly any of the things that an angry donor or federal official might want answers to.
Due to Ham Rove’s timely passing, I am announcing that Colbert Super PAC is shutting down effective immediately. During this time of mourning, we ask that you respect our privacy, and more importantly, the privacy of our money. It wishes to stay out of the public eye, so please don’t go trying to find it. Rest assured, you won’t. We have a really good lawyer.
I am a man of faith. I believe that Ham Rove is in a better place now… and so is the money. I hope you have faith as well, because that’s all you’re ever going to know for sure.
Don’t stop bereaving,
Stephen Colbert
Former President
Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow (defunct)
General David Petraeus had an affair with a younger woman? I’m shocked! He’s a disgrace to the memory of America’s great military leaders of the past. General Dwight D. Eisenhower, for example. Here’s Ike after signing Germany’s declaration of surrender.
Hey, who’s that younger woman in the background? Why, it’s Kay Summersby, Eisenhower’s personal driver and assistant, with an emphasis on the “personal.”
On behalf of Fox News, Christian Whiton asks, “Where does the Republican Party Go From Here?”
The key now will be for Republicans not to form a circular firing squad, but to grasp important lessons as to why we lost…
… In the end, the Republican establishment thought they had this election in the bag. They decided to play it safe with a moderate. They stuffed a candidate down the party’s throat who opportunistically had been on both sides of most issues and told people what he thought they wanted to hear, rather than what he believed.
As I expected from Fox, the important lesson for the GOP is they need to take an even harder line. They were so happy when Romney seemed to trounce Obama in the first debate, and yet they don’t see that he did that by moderating the positions he had taken in order to win the nomination? If Romney hadn’t “Etch-a-Sketched” himself post-primary he would have lost even more of the undecided voters than he did last night.
Personally, I won’t mind if the Republicans take pot shots at each other. They seem to be incapable of grasping the important lesson of why they lost. Whiton apparently doesn’t understand the difference between Romney’s lack of conviction and Obama’s willingness to compromise. Their failure wasn’t rooted in Romney being at heart a moderate, it was them forcing him to appease the Tea Party in order to get the candidacy.
A voter in Pennsylvania today, apparently trying to vote for Obama/Biden… and trying again…
