Category: Politics, Religion & Money

He had a dream… now he has the money

This came in the mourning mail from Stephen Colbert…

Dear Super Loved Ones,

I write this letter with a heavy heart and elevated cholesterol. Earlier today, our advisor and chief strategist, Ham Rove, passed away. Authorities believe he repeatedly tripped and fell onto a knife several dozen times. Later some dogs ate him. It was all quite tragic.

When it comes to describing how important Ham Rove was to Colbert Super PAC, I find myself at a loss for unsubpoenaed words. Ham Rove did everything for this organization, particularly any of the things that an angry donor or federal official might want answers to.

Due to Ham Rove’s timely passing, I am announcing that Colbert Super PAC is shutting down effective immediately. During this time of mourning, we ask that you respect our privacy, and more importantly, the privacy of our money. It wishes to stay out of the public eye, so please don’t go trying to find it. Rest assured, you won’t. We have a really good lawyer.

I am a man of faith. I believe that Ham Rove is in a better place now… and so is the money. I hope you have faith as well, because that’s all you’re ever going to know for sure.

Don’t stop bereaving,

Stephen Colbert
Former President
Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow (defunct)

General specifics

General David Petraeus had an affair with a younger woman? I’m shocked! He’s a disgrace to the memory of America’s great military leaders of the past. General Dwight D. Eisenhower, for example. Here’s Ike after signing Germany’s declaration of surrender.

Hey, who’s that younger woman in the background? Why, it’s Kay Summersby, Eisenhower’s personal driver and assistant, with an emphasis on the “personal.”

Republicans to take aim at each other?

On behalf of Fox News, Christian Whiton asks, “Where does the Republican Party Go From Here?”

The key now will be for Republicans not to form a circular firing squad, but to grasp important lessons as to why we lost…

… In the end, the Republican establishment thought they had this election in the bag. They decided to play it safe with a moderate. They stuffed a candidate down the party’s throat who opportunistically had been on both sides of most issues and told people what he thought they wanted to hear, rather than what he believed.

As I expected from Fox, the important lesson for the GOP is they need to take an even harder line. They were so happy when Romney seemed to trounce Obama in the first debate, and yet they don’t see that he did that by moderating the positions he had taken in order to win the nomination? If Romney hadn’t “Etch-a-Sketched” himself post-primary he would have lost even more of the undecided voters than he did last night.

Personally, I won’t mind if the Republicans take pot shots at each other. They seem to be incapable of grasping the important lesson of why they lost. Whiton apparently doesn’t understand the difference between Romney’s lack of conviction and Obama’s willingness to compromise. Their failure wasn’t rooted in Romney being at heart a moderate, it was them forcing him to appease the Tea Party in order to get the candidacy.

A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow

As a financial contributor to the Colbert Super PAC at the $50 level, I continue to be entitled to all sorts of special treats from Stephen, including this special message that I found in one of my very own e-mailboxes.

Dear Friends of Colbert Super PAC,

I know it’s been a while. I’m sorry I haven’t called, written, stopped by, or appeared naked astride a centaur in your dreams. On behalf of myself, Colbert Super PAC, and the centaur, I apologize.

But do not assume that Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow has been powerless. In fact, it’s quite the opposite: we’ve been unpowerless. For proof, please enjoy the first five seconds of this clip of Mitt Romney earlier today. Go ahead, I’ve already seen it, I’ll wait for you here in this email.

As you can see, as a contributor to Colbert Super PAC, your voice has clearly been heard, in the form of money. But as an American, you should also make your voice double-heard, in the form of a voice. So tomorrow, please find your nearest polling location and vote.

Remember: this is the most important election of our lifetime*, and will continue to be right up until the next most important election of our lifetime. So whoever you support, please vote. If you don’t, the federal authorities consider wearing an “I Voted” sticker as an act of counterfeiting.

Yours sincerelyish,

Stephen Colbert
President and Tallymaster
Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow

Super PAC contributors are also entitled to anonymity, but who the heck wants that? If I ever start writing detective stories I’m going to call my private eye Cole Yama.

Underwater on land, and seaside – the Bain connection

A few weeks ago I pointed out a real estate auction that’s coming up for a Cape Cod estate called Idlewild, valued at over ten million dollars. I said “I’d love to know what the story is behind this property. I assume that a fantastically rich person had a phenomenal fall,” but reportedly “This is not a distressed sale.” The story is at this link.

“This is not a distressed sale,” said Mark Troen, Sheldon’s chief operating officer. “There’s no mortgage on the property. An auction is another and very good way of selling real estate when the conventional means is unsuccessful… This is a lifestyle choice at this stage in their lives,” he said. “The couple is purchasing a home in Charleston, South Carolina”… The home will be sold furnished.

So who is selling this fabulous piece of real estate? James Feldt, the former president of marketing at Toys R Us. (They had more than one President in the company?)

James Feldt purchased the land for the estate in 2004 by for $1.55 million. Feldt, the former executive vice president of marketing at Toys R Us, and his wife, Rosanne, spent $9.5 million to build the four-bedroom, seven-bath home and another $1 million on landscaping, Troen said. “This is a lifestyle choice at this stage in their lives,” he said. “The couple is purchasing a home in Charleston, South Carolina.”

The Feldts spent over $10 million on the property and yet it has no mortgage. I can’t find any information on why or when Feldt left Toys R Us, but maybe it had something to do with the takeover of the company in 2005 by Bain Capital — yes, Mitt Romney’s Bain Capital. Here’s Feldt’s resume prior to his departure from Toys R Us.

James E. Feldt
President – Merchandising and Marketing, Toys”R”Us, U.S
James E. Feldt was named Executive Vice President and President of Merchandising and Marketing for Toys”R”Us, U.S. in March 2000. He is responsible for procurement, pricing, merchandising, promoting and presentation techniques to sell product at Toys”R”Us stores across the country. Mr. Feldt serves as a member of the Executive Committee for Toys”R”Us, Inc.

Prior to this appointment, Mr. Feldt served as Executive Vice President of Merchandising since 1999.

Mr. Feldt brings more than 20 years of retail experience to his post at Toys”R”Us U.S. Prior to joining the company, he was Executive Vice President, Merchandise and Marketing at Value City Department Stores in Columbus, OH. Prior to that, Mr. Feldt was Executive Vice President, Merchandising, Marketing, Allocation and Merchandise Distribution with Hills Department Stores in Canton, MA.

He also has extensive experience in merchandising toys, electronics, candy, sporting goods, wheel goods, seasonal and other hard line areas. In addition, he has considerable experience in apparel and the off-price industry.

Mr. Feldt graduated from Northeastern University with a degree in Business Administration.

What could Feldt have done that made him so valuable to Toys R Us, especially considering that when Bain took it over they were losing the merchandising and marketing war to Wal*Mart? It must have cost the Feldts another small fortune to furnish and decorate Idlewild, and yet it’s being sold furnished, so presumably the buyer will be getting a very big freebie thrown into the deal. The Feldts are merely making a “lifestyle choice?” It seems to me that they’ve vacated the premises and my guess is they need to get their money out of the place in order to buy or build their new home.