Here’s a story that’s been floating around in various versions for at least a couple of years. It describes a possible scenario if Sarah Palin exceeds everybody’s low expectations of her in the debate tonight.
From the MANITOBA HERALD
A flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The possibility of a McCain/Palin election is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O’Reilly. Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. “He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.”
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. “A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though.”
When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the McCain administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from airplanes, deny evolution, and act out drills preparing them for the Rapture.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age,” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
“I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history and English majors does one country need?”
Those bottles are specially designed to use 30% less plastic, or something like that. Yes, they are cheap! But the idea is to be green…or at least a little less NOT green than a plastic bottle usually is, thus inducing slightly less guilt.
Great article! And the dancers were … Bobby and Cissy! Joan, I know what you mean about those water bottles. Once, when my daughter was concentrating on her homework, I took a swig out of the bottle, and it popped so loud, she screamed in surprise!
Hi Doug! Just took a spin over to Mark Evanier’s blog and he has comments as the Biden-Palin debate was nearing, plus did a commentary as he was watching the debate, and both posts had that great sense of fun he has in his writing. Your readers will have to check them out. I was cracking up laughing! Now, back to sleep…maybe. Insomnia at night and sleepiness in the daytime is a thing maybe I could cure if I moved to Australia and had my daylight hours reversed! 🙂
By the way, my grandmother on Mom’s side always had on Lawrence Welk’s show when we visited on Saturday nights, and it was Myron Floren who played the “squeeze box”. Now I get a kick out of PBS carrying the revised show hosted by several different people associated with the show. My friend June’s 11-year-old daughter loves the show.
Yes, and Doug have you noticed how flimsy some of the bottles marked 2-HDPE are? I had a small label and a Deer Park 16.9 and both folded up and made popping noises as I drank. Only Aquafina and Dasani have the heavier bottles of the brands I’ve used. I don’t know about Evian, or the regional brands like Wissahickon. I guess the 1-PETE bottles are the heavier, but since our recycling takes both, I use both but prefer PETE.
The part about not finding any water didn’t ring true. The crowd they’re talking about always has bottled water, but of course they feel guilty about the plastic bottles.
HA! HA! I love it! That’s cute, Doug! Good ol’ Canada–land of Rush (the great rock band), SCTV, and a million hunky ice hockey players! Red Greenfield sounds like a homage to the great Canadian handyman Red Green! He’s the Minister of Duct Tape who says “If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find ya handy!”. And his lodge brothers at the Possom Lodge who pledge, “I can change. If I have to. I guess.”.